In The Absence Of Cheese and Potatoes

"Are you sure you want the yellow fish?"

"Yes."

"But what about this fish? Which is the same but just slightly different. Tasty and smokey but not so yellow."

"I want the yellow fish though."

"Why? Why do you want the yellow fish?"

"Because that's what Batman eats."

Now ordinarily, I wouldn't put up with this sort of fuss in the supermarket. Ordinarily, I would take control, be steadfast and strong. But considering that I had just publicly vented my spleen over a display of sword fighting, with cucumbers in place of actual swords. And had run a gamut of disapproving looks and barely concealed tuts throughout the aisles as a result. Which was probably due to due to my vigorous arm pumping and shouting. "Oh those poor kids," came the whispers. I decided that any more spazing off over yellow fish was not going to help me or the children. This was, after all, supposed to be a quick shop for an easy Sunday supper. If the boy wanted luminescent, radioactive haddock to go into his pie, he could bloody well have it. Plus, a quick peep at the label revealed it had been dyed with curcumin, a natural product apparently, thus alleviating any parental paranoia about colourants and E numbers. I do care for my children you know. So we bomb it around some more, throwing food into the trolley with gay abandon, get through the checkout unscathed and make it back home in a flash, clocking in an impressive time of 20 minutes for the whole round trip. I bring the bags in, the twins go upstairs to smash their bedrooms into tiny, little pieces and I set to start making a delicious fish pie.

I then discover that I have forgotten to buy potatoes and cheddar cheese and soon afterwards fall into a cliché of Fawltyesque proportions by running into the front room, to bury my head inbetween the sofa cushions and scream. Seconds, minutes, hours pass and suddenly, I am aware of two sets of eyes burning holes into my back. I pull my head out out of the darkness, turn and stand up tall. And with lint and crumbs atop my head, I announce to the open mouthed, little people standing at my feet that we are having haddock risotto for tea. Because I knew there was arborio rice in the cupboard, which would serve as a starchy substitute for the spuds. I was unsure at first about using the cream we had bought originally for the pie but in the absence of cheese, it worked rather well and delivered quite a decadent dish in the end. A bit like kedgeree. But without the curry. Or the egg.

And then Mum returns from work. The scene around the table is silent and calm except for the scraping of spoons on china. She peers into a large, flat pan on the hob and makes a confused enquiry, "I thought we were having fish pie tonight?" And the situation is explained.

"But, look, there is a pack of cheese in the back of the fridge and there are some Maris Pipers left in the shed."

A chair scrapes back and heavy footsteps disappear off, a soft thump echoes and in the distance resonates a long, tortured, muffled howl.

"That's the second time that's happened today Mummy," says Fin, as he spoons a tiny bit of rice, straight onto Batman's firm and closed square jaw.

Haddock Risotto - serves 4

ingredients

2 large fillets of smoked haddock (dyed or undyed)

1 bay leaf

10 whole peppercorns

1 pint of milk

2tbs of olive oil

knob of butter

1 onion, finely chopped

1 celery stick, finely chopped

2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped

300gms of arborio rice

1 litre of fish stock

100ml of double cream

handful of frozen peas

handful of broccoli florets, trimmed and blanched in boiling water for 2 minutes

handful of parsley, finely chopped

salt and pepper, to season

handfull of freshly grated cheese (whatever you have to hand, in the back of the fridge)

method

Firstly, place the haddock fillets, bay leaf and peppercorns in a wide pan, using just enough milk to cover and bring up to a gentle simmer on the hob. Once simmering, poach the haddock for about 5-7 minutes or until just cooked through (or just under in fact). Take out of pan, remove the skin and flake into chunks. Put to one side.

In another wide pan, heat the olive oil and butter until it foams and then add the onion and celery and bring the heat down to a very gentle simmer. Cook the onion and celery slowly for at least 10 minutes or so until it becomes very soft. Stir in the garlic and continue to cook for another few minutes. Meanwhile, heat the fish stock in another pan, you could also add the poaching milk to the stock if you like.

Once the onion, celery and garlic is soft, add the rice and raise the heat, cooking the rice for a minute or so until it becomes slightly translucent. Then add a ladle of hot stock, stirring all the while. Bring the heat down again and stir the rice, adding a ladle of stock each time the liquid is absorbed into the rice. Keep doing so for about 15 minutes until the rice is soft yet still retains a slight bite.

Take off the heat and add the haddock and cream, stirring through and then add the peas, broccoli and parsley. Season to taste with salty and pepper and then cover and leave to rest for 5 minutes.

Serve in bowls with a sprinkle of grated cheese.

Radioactive Haddock

Riverford Organic Double Cream

Oooozing

Batman and Fin

Take a walk on the wild side

At present, our garden looks like a bomb has hit it. What am I talking about? Our garden has always looked like a bomb has hit it but this is not down to a lack of care or attention. It's more a case of lack of time as the house that we live in has taken the best part of 5 years to renovate, clean up and turn into a family home. It seemed that the previous owners had dropped "Little Boy" when we first moved in you see. So the next big plans are to concentrate on creating a little oasis out yonder, complete with raised patio area, raised flower beds, raised plot for salads and herbs and if I get my own way, a raised clay oven. If Jamie can have one, then so can I. "Yes I bet he uses his all the time" is often my wife's response to such a brilliant and fantastic idea but I will build one, oh yes. Well at least try to.

One thing that we do both agree on is to keep and cultivate some of the wilder parts of the garden, particularly the area under the cherry tree where we are lucky enough to have wild garlic growing. How it got there is anybody's business and we didn't really have a clue if it actually was wild garlic until my brother-in-law grabbed a bunch of the leaves last year, shoved them in his mouth and confirmed our suspicions ("bloody hell that's garlicky" he said). I didn't have the heart to tell him that the cats often spray around that tree but it was his endeavour that opened my eyes to the notion of foraging wild foods and that's something that I am keen to explore so watch this space.

At this time of year, the wild garlic really starts to flourish and this time around I have been determined to use it when cooking. Despite my brother-in-law's outburst, wild garlic is slightly mellower, giving a more subtle flavour and you can use any part of the plant but up till now I have only been using the leaves to pep up scrambled eggs and omelettes. So I thought about using it in a risotto, just a basic one to see how it would fair, I didn't add the garlic at stage one, I threw in the chopped leaves right at the end instead. I also threw in some mushrooms for good measure and pan-fried some salmon fillets to place on top of the risotto but I think I made the mistake of using some old vermouth bianco that I found at the back of the cupboard. The result was nice and creamy but overall the risotto was just too sweet. If I hadn't been greedy and used a glass of the Sauvignon Blanc that I was drinking, then perhaps the wild garlic would have come through more. The salmon however was gorgeous, I normally cook it en papillote, but quick frying is the way forward for me, sod the calories, I can chew on wild garlic leaves for the rest of the week.