Pancetta

What a delightful thing to come home to after three weeks. Have you ever seen such a beautiful pancetta? I just happened to take a peek in the cave to see what was happening. A simply butterflied, rolled and bound pork belly, cured with bay and juniper, smoked for an hour or so, and left undisturbed while I was gone. I fried it up. And it disappeard immediately. Bless the Gods of Nitrate.

Great British Beer Festival

Great British Beer Festival

A couple of months ago, I received this email from my good chum, Big Al:

Dear all, I have decided to utilise my annual leave wisely this summer and take a day off to visit the Great British beer festival at Earls Court. If anyone has the inclination and can spare a day off from work for this Earth-shattering event then I hope you can join me. You can look forward to a glass of some unidentifiable fetid, cloudy, sulphurous brew whilst being surrounded by generally overweight men with questionable personal hygiene who have probably been drinking this kind of stuff all week and have the kind of deep, penetrating flatulence and gastric upset that only good real ale can induce. Can't wait.

Well how could I refuse such an invitation particularly as I've never been before and hadn't really drunk much in the way of 'real ale', the identikit pubs in my neck of the woods just don't serve it up. And by the sounds of it, I might even fit right in, especially on the wind front. So I fired an email back saying "I'm in!" and before I know it the first week of August comes rolling around, when the Great British Beer Festival is held. Hell, I didn't even have time to grow a beard so I opted for the standard issue socks and sandals instead.

Our small party consisted of myself, Big Al and Jerry (who is not German) and as tickets had been purchased for the Friday, which by all accounts is one of the busiest days, we decided to meet at Earl's Court in the early afternoon to beat the evening rush hour. Yes it was to be a Leo Sayer and I could only hope that it would end on a higher note than the last one I went on. A combination of Blur, Tuborg, sun and no hat beat me into submission you see and plonked me in an ambulance, silly boy.

We rocked up to the exhibition hall at 3pm like giddy schoolboys and once we got inside the cavernous space, it was hard not to be impressed by the sheer scale of the event with it's morass of bars, chairs, tables, food stands, memorabilia stalls and people wearing stupid hats shouting loudly at each other. This really was the mother of all pubs with 450 different beers on offer from the UK and around the world. And so the three of us handed three quid over for an official festival pint glass and dived straight into the seething pit without any care or safety or even any idea of what beers we should go for. To say that I was clueless would be an understatement but here is a brief overview of the fine ales and not so fine ciders that I drank anyway:

1. Dark Star - Hophead (3.8%). Yes it is hoppy, very hoppy indeed, too hoppy in fact. Aftertaste has subtle tones of washing up liquid. Not the best start.

2. Wolf - Granny Wouldn't Like It (4.8%). This is more like it! Gutsier, stronger, nice cherry flavour and dark in colour but not too heavy. Hmm I really like this.

3. Bartram's - Dark Side (5.0%). Another dark one but a wheat beer this time. Guide says that it has Maris Otter in the grist, what the hell does that mean? Quite pleasant, fairly strong coffee aftertaste though.

4. Wentworth - Bumble Beer (4.3%). A pale golden beer which is very refreshing. Slightly sweet but thirst quenching nevertheless.

5. Brains - The Reverend James (4.5%). From Wales. Strong, rich and spicy. Like Tom Jones. Very good actually. Could drink this as a "session" pint (quickly picking up terminology).

6. Greg's Pit Cider - Brown Ellis Kingston blend (god knows). Sweet Jesus! This is terrible, just plain fucking terrible. Were the apples pressed using old farmer Greg's sweaty, soil stained, baggy y-fronts I wonder? Thought about taking this back the stall to complain but the ginger metal head druid who served it up scared the hell out of me. So I poured it down the toilet instead.

7. Bernard - Svetly Lezak (still reeling from cider to make note of percentage). Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug......burp! Ah that's better. A fine pilsner from Czech Republic, they know their stuff about beer they do. Phew!

8. FX Matt Brewery - Black Forest Lager (5.3%) Confused by the 'lager' label, tastes and looks nothing like Fosters. Which is a good thing. Gorgeous dark beer, quite malty but goes down very well.

9. Sharp's - Doom Bar Bitter (4.0%). Last pint. OK, not brilliant, bit too flowery from my liking, had trouble finishing to be honest.

We had managed to consume this amount by 7pm which was no mean feat (oh and a singular pork and ale sausage roll) but by that time the numbers were really swelling and the cacophony was reaching fever pitch. Glasses were starting to get smashed at regular intervals sending mexican waves of riotous cheering around the hall and the bars were filling up by 5 bodies deep. So to our shame, we decided to retreat early to a dodgy bar on Earl's Court Road to sup a few more pints of Becks before going our separate ways to fall asleep in cabs and on tubes and in Big Al's case, flat on his face in Clapham (by all accounts).

Putting the all earlier dodgy stereotypes aside, I have to admit that CAMRA really did know how to put on a show and all through the efforts of a voluntary strike force. With over 100,000 members, it's looking like the organisation is gaining a lot of clout so perhaps something can be done about halting the decline of the traditional British boozer. I was surprised to find out that 38 pubs are closing down every week across the UK so I've signed up with the intention of becoming more informed about the situation and of course to educate my taste buds to the delights of proper 'real ale'. Hopefully, by the time the festival rolls around next year, I may even know what beers to go for. Who knows, Greg's Pit might be appealing by then. But I doubt it.

Jerry (who is not German), Food Urchin and Big Al, resplendent with stupid hats

Pig Snacks!

I want this t-shirt!

Damn they've sold out of Ginger Knob!

Pork Pies!

Pork Sausages! (can you see a theme emerging here?)

Granny Wouldn't Like It - my personal favourite

Greg's Pit - Rough as a badger's arse

Rendang-a-Dingdong

I am acutely aware that I haven't been paying much attention to this blog lately, mainly because I haven't done much in the way of cooking recently and mainly because I've been getting people to cook for me for Where's My Pork Chop? I plan to remedy this over the next few weeks by rustling up some old favourites at home, by visiting the miserable old gits down the allotment and by reporting on some trips and adventures I've been on lately. So I thought I would kick off with an example of the kind of cooking I do best, the kind where you have to do bugger all but just sit and wait. You know highly technical stuff.

I discovered the delights of Rendang Curry after finding a copy of The Essential Asian Cookbook in the bargain bin at WHSmith quite a few years ago now. It was probably one of the first cookbooks I ever bought and it's been a great companion over the years. It's pretty concise in it's coverage of the different cuisines of the East but there's a little bit of something for everyone and most importantly it is very easy to follow. The great thing about this curry is that it improves with flavour should you leave for it alone for a day or two. In fact I'm a great believer in leaving food to stew for a while after you've made it. Make a great big batch load of spag bol and serve up a couple of portions for dinner that night and put the remainder in the fridge (once it has cooled down of course). When you return to it the next day, it will taste miles better. The same goes for casseroles and soup. And with Beef Bourguignon, it's an absolute must. Of course some food stuffs do not benefit from this process. For instance many, many years ago, my friend Matt discovered at Reading Festival a pack of bacon in his rucksack that was plainly left over from his jaunt to Glastonbury a couple of months previous. As it was unopened and bizarrely enough, still looked to be in pretty good shape, he decided to open it and fry it on his Trangia. He then whacked it in between two slices of bread for a good old fashion bacon sarnie and said to our amazement that it still tasted pretty good. About an hour later he promptly threw up and spent a good day with his guts in turmoil. Matt is a vegan now.

Still stupid stories about stupid teenagers aside, on with the rendang. This is quite a rich dish due to the amount of coconut milk used but the slow-cooking process used creates a fairly dry curry. As the viscous sauce evaporates, the meat, beef in this case, takes on complex notes of flavour which intensify the longer you leave it . Also the original recipe instructs that everything be cooked in one pan on the hob over an hour and a half but when I made this the other night the beef didn't quite melt in the mouth. So it may be beneficial to braise everything in a casserole dish with a tight fitting lid in the oven on a low heat, say 150c, for a couple of hours to really tenderise the meat. If there is any liquid left, then you can finish it off on the hob when you are ready to eat it.

We had this last Saturday, as I made it early on the Friday morning. I served up the rendang with some festive rice (cooked with turmeric, coconut milk, garlic and ginger) and some bok choi which I steamed to within an inch of its life such was I hooked on this concept of slow and easy cooking, dopey sod that I am. Still the curry was delicious and even if it did resemble dog poo somewhat, the hot, sweet and sour flavours from the chilli, tamarind and lemon really did kaleidoscope on my tongue. Overall a great meal to get ready for the weekend if you fancy a lazy one.

Malaysian Beef Rendang

Serves 4-6

2 onions chopped

5 red chillies

4 gloves garlic, crushed

good thumb sized piece of ginger, grated

500 mls coconut milk

1 tbs ground coriander

1 tbs ground cumin

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp ground turmeric

quarter tsp ground cloves

quarter tsp chilli powder

1 tbs of sunflower oil

1 large strip of lemon rind

1 kg of braising steak, cubed

1 tsb lemon juice

1 tsb soft brown sugar

1 tsp tamarind concentrate/paste


Method

1. Take the onions, chillies, garlic, ginger and a couple of tablespoons of coconut milk and blitz in a food processor/blender until you have a smooth paste.

2. Heat the oil in a large pan and add the paste along with coriander, cumin, cinnamon, turmeric, chilli, cloves, lemon peel and chunks of beef. Stir so that the meat is nicely coated and then add the rest of the coconut milk and bring to the boil before reducing heat to a gentle simmer. Cook for 1 and half hours, stirring every now and then.

3. When the oil begins to separate from the sauce as it reduces right down, add the lemon juice, brown sugar and tamarind paste, stir through and take off the hob to cool. Leave for a day or two in the fridge before reheating and serving.

Spices

Soon to be paste

Reduce baby, reduce!

I promise you this is not a dog turd sprinkled with red chilli and that it really does taste rather good